Conversations couples should have before getting a home loan

Purchasing a home together is more than just acquiring property it’s a significant milestone that represents a shared commitment to building a future.

For couples in Australia, buying a first home combines the excitement of finding the perfect space with the complexity of navigating one of life’s biggest financial decisions together.

Research shows that couples who communicate effectively about their homebuying journey report higher satisfaction with their purchase and experience less relationship strain throughout the process. Yet many first-time homebuyers jump into property searches without having the crucial conversations that set the foundation for success.

Before you start scrolling through property listings or meeting with lenders, take time for these three essential conversations. They’ll help align your expectations, strengthen your partnership, and ultimately lead to a more satisfying homeownership experience.

What are our non-negotiables in a home?

Finding the perfect property often requires compromise, but knowing where each partner is and isn’t willing to bend makes the process smoother and prevents future resentment.

Location considerations

Location often tops the list of priorities for homebuyers, but couples might have different perspectives on what makes an ideal neighbourhood. One partner might prioritize a short commute to work, while the other values proximity to family or specific amenities.

Begin by discussing:

• Commuting tolerance: How far is each of you willing to travel to work? Is public transport access important, or are you comfortable driving?
• Community connections: How important is it to live near friends and family? Do you want to be close to your existing social network, or are you open to building community in a new area?
• Neighbourhood character: Do you prefer a bustling urban environment with walkable amenities, or does a quieter suburban setting appeal more? What about school catchment zones, even if children aren’t in your immediate plans?
• Safety considerations: What makes each of you feel secure in a neighbourhood? Research crime statistics together and discuss what safety features matter most.

“We need to talk about not just where we want to live now, but where we’ll be happy living for the next 5-10 years,” says financial advisor Emma Thompson. “I’ve seen couples rush into buying in trendy areas only to realise they’ve outgrown the location within a few years.”

Property features and priorities

Beyond location, the physical features of a home often become points of contention when couples haven’t clearly communicated their expectations.

Have an open discussion about:

• Space requirements: How many bedrooms and bathrooms do you need? Is a home office essential for either partner? What about guest accommodation?
• Layout preferences: Do you prefer open-plan living or more defined spaces? Single-level or multi-story? New construction or character homes with renovation potential?
• Outdoor space: Is a garden or backyard a must-have, or would you trade outdoor space for a better location or lower price point?
• Lifestyle compatibility: Do you need space for hobbies, entertaining, or special interests? For example, a partner who loves cooking might prioritize kitchen features that aren’t important to someone who rarely cooks.

To make this conversation productive, each person should independently create two lists: “must-haves” and “nice-to-haves.” Then, come together to compare notes and work toward a consolidated list that respects both partners’ priorities.

Resolving different preferences

It’s natural for couples to have different preferences, and this is where communication skills become essential. When you encounter differences:

• Listen to understand, not to respond: Take turns explaining not just what you want, but why it matters to you.
• Identify underlying needs: Sometimes what seems like different preferences actually stems from the same core need. For example, one partner might want a large yard for entertaining while another prefers a modern apartment with shared facilities both could be expressing a desire for social connection.
• Use “we” language: Frame the house hunt as a shared adventure rather than a competition of preferences.
• Consider compromise creatively: Sometimes the perfect solution isn’t immediately obvious. For instance, if one partner wants to be close to the city while another prefers more space, exploring emerging suburbs on the urban fringe might satisfy both needs.

“The most successful couples I work with approach house hunting as a team sport,” notes real estate agent Michael Chen. “They understand they’re not just buying a house they’re creating a home together.”

What are our financial limits and strategies?

Money matters can be a significant source of relationship tension, especially when couples don’t openly communicate about finances. Before applying for a home loan, take time to have an honest conversation about your financial situation and expectations.

Assessing your current financial position

Start by getting complete transparency about where you both stand financially:

• Income stability: Discuss your current earnings, job security, and future income prospects. Australian lenders look closely at employment history when assessing loan applications, so understanding any potential changes is crucial.
• Existing debts and commitments: Be transparent about HECS-HELP debts, credit card debt, car payments, or other financial obligations that might affect your borrowing capacity.
• Savings capacity: How much have you saved for a deposit? What’s your ongoing ability to save each month? Have you looked into the First Home Super Saver Scheme to boost your deposit?
• Credit history: Your credit scores will significantly impact loan approval and interest rates. Request your credit reports from credit reporting bodies and discuss any potential issues before approaching lenders.

“I’ve seen too many couples get surprised when one partner’s credit history affects their joint loan application, having that conversation early gives you time to address any issues before they become roadblocks.”

Setting a realistic budget

With a clear understanding of your financial position, you can develop a budget that works for both of you:

• Deposit planning: The typical goal is a 20% deposit to avoid Lenders Mortgage Insurance (LMI), but first home buyer schemes like the First Home Guarantee might allow you to enter the market with as little as 5%. Discuss how much you’re comfortable putting down and what trade-offs you’re willing to make.
• Loan pre-approval: Getting pre-approved helps set realistic expectations about what you can afford and strengthens your position when making offers. Work with a mortgage broker to understand your borrowing capacity based on Australian lending criteria.
• Spending limits: Set firm boundaries on your maximum purchase price, and commit to not exceeding this amount even in competitive auction situations.
• Repayment comfort level: Calculate what your repayments would be at different price points, and include a buffer for potential interest rate increases. Many Australian financial advisors suggest ensuring you could manage if rates increased by 2-3%.

Remember that the maximum amount a lender offers might not be what’s comfortable for your lifestyle. Consider your other financial goals and how a mortgage fits into your broader financial plan.

Looking beyond the purchase price

First-time homebuyers often focus exclusively on the deposit and purchase price, overlooking significant additional costs:

• Settlement costs: Budget for legal fees, conveyancing, building and pest inspections, and stamp duty (though first home buyers may qualify for exemptions or concessions in your state or territory).
• Ongoing expenses: Property ownership comes with recurring costs like council rates, strata fees (for apartments), insurance, utilities, and maintenance. Research suggests setting aside 1-2% of your home’s value annually for maintenance and repairs.
• Emergency fund: Financial experts recommend maintaining 3-6 months of expenses in an emergency fund, which becomes even more important when you’re responsible for a property.
• Future-proofing: Consider how your financial needs might change over time, especially if you’re planning major life changes like starting a family or changing careers.

“Creating a budget spreadsheet together can be incredibly revealing, I encourage couples to map out not just what they can afford now, but what their financial picture might look like 3-5 years into homeownership.”

Financial responsibilities and agreements

For couples, especially those who aren’t married, clear agreements about financial responsibilities are essential:

• Deposit contributions: If one partner is contributing more to the deposit, discuss how this will be reflected in ownership percentages or future arrangements.
• Repayment strategy: Will you split mortgage payments equally, or proportionate to income? Will you maintain separate accounts or create a joint account for housing expenses?
• Document decisions: Consider formalising your agreement through a co-ownership agreement, particularly for de facto couples.

“The most successful homebuying couples I work with treat their home purchase like any other aspect of their relationship with open communication, mutual respect, and clear boundaries.”

How does this home fit into our long-term vision?

A home is not just a place to live now it’s potentially where you’ll build your future together. Taking time to discuss how this purchase aligns with your long-term goals can prevent costly mistakes and ensure your investment serves your evolving needs.

Relationship and family planning

Your life circumstances will likely change during homeownership, and your home needs to accommodate these changes:

• Family planning: If children are part of your future plans, consider school catchment zones, bedroom count, neighbourhood safety, and proximity to parks or family-friendly amenities.
• Career trajectories: Discuss potential job changes, further education, or career pivots that might affect your location needs or financial situation.
• Extended family considerations: Will aging parents potentially need accommodation? Do you regularly host family gatherings that require specific spaces?

“When we bought our first apartment in Melbourne, we thought we’d be there for at least five years,” shares Maria, a recent second-time homebuyer. “But after having our first child, we quickly realised we needed more space and a yard. We ended up selling and moving within two years, which meant paying stamp duty and other costs twice in a short period.”

Property as a financial investment

While your home is first and foremost a place to live, its investment potential shouldn’t be overlooked:

• Growth prospects: Research historical growth rates in your target areas and factors that might influence future appreciation, such as infrastructure developments or changing demographics.
• Resale considerations: Even if you plan to stay long-term, consider factors that might affect resale value, such as property layout, parking, and broad appeal.
• Renovation or extension potential: Could you add value through improvements? Does the property have potential for expansion if your needs change? Check council regulations for any restrictions on renovations in your target area.

“I encourage couples to think about their first home purchase in terms of both lifestyle and investment strategy. Sometimes compromising on certain features now can position you better for your dream home in the future.”

Adaptability for changing needs

The most sustainable home purchase is one that can evolve with your changing lifestyle:

• Flexible spaces: Rooms that can serve multiple purposes (a home office that could become a nursery, for example) provide adaptability as your needs change.
• Community considerations: Research local amenities that might become important at different life stages, from cafes and nightlife to medical facilities and senior services.
• Transport options: As you age, proximity to public transport might become more valuable, even if you currently drive everywhere.

“One of the biggest regrets I hear from homeowners is not thinking far enough ahead the young couple who buys a home with steep stairs might not consider how that will work when they’re older or have young children.”

Creating a shared vision

Use this conversation to articulate and align your broader life goals:

• Take time to imagine your ideal lifestyle 5, 10, and even 20 years from now.
• Discuss how your property choices either support or hinder these visions.
• Consider creating a vision board or document that captures your shared goals and refer to during the house-hunting process.

“The couples who seem most satisfied with their purchases are those who took time to create a clear shared vision, they understand they’re not just buying for today they’re buying for their future together.”

Communication strategies for homebuying success

Having these three critical conversations requires effective communication skills. Here are some strategies to ensure productive discussions:

• Create the right environment: Choose a relaxed time when you’re both well-rested and not rushed. Consider making it special with a nice meal or favourite setting.
• Practice active listening: Repeat back what you hear your partner saying to ensure understanding before responding.
• Use “I” statements: Frame preferences as personal needs rather than absolute requirements. For example, “I feel anxious about higher repayments” rather than “That budget is totally unrealistic.”
• Take breaks when needed: If conversations become tense, agree to pause and return when emotions are calmer.
• Document agreements: Keep notes from your discussions to refer back to when making decisions during the house hunt.
• Seek professional guidance: Mortgage brokers, financial advisors, and even relationship counsellors can provide objective input when you’re struggling to align.

“The property search process can be stressful, and it often brings underlying relationship dynamics to the surface, the couples who navigate it successfully are those who’ve developed strong communication habits before they start looking at homes.”

Building your home and future together

Purchasing your first home as a couple is more than a financial transaction it’s an opportunity to strengthen your partnership through shared goals, honest communication, and collaborative decision-making. By having these three essential conversations before applying for a home loan, you’ll not only increase your chances of finding the right property but also develop valuable communication skills that benefit your relationship long-term.

Remember that homebuying is a journey, not a destination. Markets change, life circumstances evolve, and your first home might not be your forever home and that’s okay. What matters most is that you’re making informed decisions together, with clear communication and mutual respect guiding the process.

Remember the words of relationship expert Dr. John Gottman: “Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.” Approaching your home purchase as an opportunity to deepen your connection and build your future together might just be the most valuable investment you make.

Further questions

This is general information only and is subject to change at any given time. Your complete financial situation will need to be assessed before acceptance of any proposal or product.